Is It Time for Couples Therapy? (And What to Do When One Partner Isn’t Sure)

It’s not unusual for couples to wonder whether it’s “time” for therapy — often after months (or even years) of feeling stuck in the same conversations, tensions, or disconnection.

Maybe you’ve found yourselves saying, “Things aren’t terrible, but they’re not great either.”Or maybe one of you feels ready to reach out, while the other is dreading this.

Whatever brings you to that question, it’s completely normal to feel uncertain. Let’s talk about what this crossroads means and why it’s worth paying attention to.

Why Couples Wait (and Why It’s Scary)

Reaching out for couples therapy can feel intimidating. It’s vulnerable to sit in a room together and open up about what hurts. For many couples, there’s a fear that therapy might “make things worse” — or confirm what they’re already afraid of.

But here’s the truth: couples therapy isn’t about deciding who’s right or wrong. It’s about understanding the patterns between you. How do you respond when you feel hurt, unseen, or misunderstood? What happens when you try to reach for each other, and it doesn’t land?

Signs It Might Be Time for Couples Therapy

You don’t have to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. Some couples come in to strengthen connection, others because they’re struggling to communicate.

Here are a few signs therapy might help:

• You keep having the same argument, no matter how you try to resolve it.

• You feel more like roommates than partners.

• One or both of you feel unseen, disconnected, or emotionally distant.

• You avoid bringing up certain topics to keep the peace.

• A betrayal, transition, or life stressor has shaken your sense of trust.

These are moments that call not for “fixing,” but for curiosity — what’s really happening between us, and what’s being protected beneath the surface?

When One Partner Is Ready (and the Other Isn’t)

This is incredibly common. Sometimes one partner feels the urgency to seek help, while the other feels skeptical, defensive, or even dreading it.

.Therapy can feel like a threat if it’s seen as “proving someone wrong” instead of understanding what’s been hard.

Lets start here: how do we approach the other partner? Maybe try: I don’t want us to keep feeling stuck. I’d like to have support figuring out what’s happening between us — not who’s to blame.

That shift alone can open the door.

What Couples Therapy Can Offer

Couples therapy creates space for both partners to slow down and really hear each other. It’s less about quick fixes and more about developing awareness — the “why” behind your patterns.

Over time, couples begin to:

• Recognize triggers and emotional cycles.

• Communicate needs without criticism or shutdown.

• Rebuild trust and connection.

• See each other with more compassion and understanding.

It’s not always easy work, but it’s deeply rewarding. Many couples say therapy helps them not only stay together — but relate in a healthier, more authentic way.

A Final Thought

Deciding to start couples therapy doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you care enough about your relationship to want something different.

Whether you’re the partner who’s ready or the one who’s unsure, the first step is simply acknowledging the distance.

If you’re considering couples therapy in Los Angeles, I help partners explore the patterns that shape closeness, conflict, and connection. My work focuses on attachment-based, psychodynamic therapy for adults and couples. Contact me at jr@jennariffeltherapy.com or book on this website.